Saturday, April 10, 2010


Background: I write articles for Demand Studios. They have an image database that writers can use to find pictures for their articles. The results of image searches are sometimes bizarre.

These are the first three images that come up when you search for ‘online’ in the Demand Studios image database at the time of this writing:

Besides the fact that they have virtually nothing to do with the search term, they are quite disturbing in and of themselves. Seeing these images, I couldn’t help but imagine that they were telling a story - not just any story, but a terrible tale of insanity and horror. You know, stuff like this:

So anyway, as we look at the first picture, we see the evil mastermind with his outdated cellphone army. He’s planning an evil plot with one of his shady conspirators. He’s also drinking something. My guess is cognac and human blood with a splash of Capri Sun.

The first piece of evidence

In the next picture, we see the super-villain further hashing out the details for whatever diabolical act he’s planning. We notice that his cellphone army has followed him to his new location, a bed with pink(?) sheets. He’s also changed into some kind of weird flower shirt.

It's getting worse...

In the third picture, the situation becomes clear. The miscreant has broken into a kindergarten classroom (as evidenced by the colorful construction paper on the floor) and is lying on the floor wearing only boxer shorts and his ridiculous flower t-shirt. Fortunately, it looks like the children escaped. (By the way, why is he still talking on the phone?!?)

Somebody call Chris Hansen!

Really, this isn’t much of a diabolical plot at all. It’s basically just your standard sicko breaking into a kindergarten classroom in his underwear. But if that’s all there is to this story, what’s the deal with all the planning, the cell phone army, the dirtiest configuration of facial hair I’ve ever witnessed? If you really consider the question, the answer becomes clear - insanity defense.

1 comment:

  1. You are, always have been, and always will be . . . HILARIOUS! I love your posts - soon the world will discover you and your unique brand of humor and millions will be healthier from laughing at your witty posts. Write on, Mona Lisa Duck.